Remembering my mother, who died a year ago this week. One of the poetry prompts for this week was “When I see my mother”; I am having difficulty writing a poem in response. Perhaps I could combine it with the prompt for the next day, “I am to blame”, and explore that in various aspects.
I still have the poster-sized photo montages (all 7, from Mother’s and Father’s memorial services) out in the front room, where I can see one or another. Oddly, that lessens feelings of loss. Provides a companionability and a lifting of the heart.
My mother, Rhoda Elleen Berry Wicker, died in the early evening, two days ago. It was two months after she went from home to emergency department by ambulance, after a fall, and then from hospital to nursing home, under the care of Hospice. I had the medical power of attorney, and Mother was not happy when my sister-in-law called me for the EMTs, to give them permission to transport her 25 miles to the nearest ER/hospital here in Fargo, where Al and I live. Not too much later, she no longer recognized me, but thought that I was her sister Alberta.
When she died, it had been some time since I had visited her room and found her awake, although I know she had interacted with staff throughout the past week. There was no marked decline noted by staff; she slipped away, just quit breathing. And nobody would have noticed…
The day was cold, dry and windy, although warmer and calmer than the day before. Most of the snow has melted away, and precipitation does not figure into the weather forecast before Wednesday.
I have bought a paper journal, after all these years. Now, to overcome the hesitation to fill the pages with less than brilliance, ending up with a book of pristine pages and my thoughts and poetry scattered in text files throughout six computers and blog posts on the Internet. Actually, I am finding that my skin sensitivities are lessening, and I think the archival-quality paper may not irritate my hands. I’ve also bought colored pens.
I enjoy writing. It’s okay to “ruin” good paper when playing with words and sketches. (And, no, I have no talent for drawing. Whatsoever!)
I woke up from a sound sleep, an hour or so ago, with a dream lingering in my mind. It was about my dying, alone, and breaking my promise to the dogs that I would not ever leave them. One wonders where the dreams originate. Which might be significant, and which are simply twitches from the subconscious as it rolls over in its sleep.
We are enjoying a very quiet holiday weekend, thanks in part to having taken part in the family Christmas celebration last Tuesday to accommodate travel schedules. Today we still are trapped at home with a blizzard warning stretching into the early evening. Yesterday, there was rain, followed by snow, followed by mixed precipitation. The Interstate is now closed down across the state, from here at the eastern border to Montana, and also from Grand Forks up to the Canadian border.
I took no photographs, Tuesday evening.
While waiting for my first appointment with the dietitian, I have been more adventurous with my grocery shopping. The scheme seems to be three meals and three snacks at approximately the same times each day. I cannot imagine a world in which this could happen. In order to increase the variety of the menu, since I obviously am going to be eating more, albeit smaller, meals. For breakfast, this morning, I added fresh asparagus:
The Scampers are now a year old. Thaddeus is still on a high-fiber diet; he’s eaten two more dishcloths this week and also a dishtowel.
And there was ice on the front window during the earlier cold snap. Speaking of which, our temperatures are going down, now, but we’re expecting a high of 30°F and snow on Wednesday. Some places, this weekend, there was snow thunder.
Yesterday’s storm brought us about a third of an inch of rain. I took these photographs when I took the Scampers out, about 11 o’clock this morning.
I hope that the freshly dug-up garden bed doesn’t dry out quickly. I managed to get my wildflower seeds scattered and tamped down, not covered by dirt, just before the rain started. There’s wind in the forecast and some dry days before there is to be more rainfall.